Sad
Hey guys...
i'm just writing because i need it.
I hate xmas, i hate this christmas. I'm living such a horrible days...you can't imagine. I'm not a happy smiling girl anymore. I'm noone anymore.
Most of all is because of Marc. We broke up 1 month and a half ago, and I've been quite okay, he was not here, so I didn't think at all. But now..he arrived on friday, and I wasn't expecting him to call, and he called yestarday, and it wa so nice. I really feel like seeing him, and talk and I don't know. But yestarday I was supposed to with some people to go to a demonstration, so I told Marc I couldn't meet. And yesterday everything was a mistake. I went to a demonstration which i I didn't want to go and met people I didn't want to meet. The result, I ended up at home, alone, with nobody to hug me, with nobody trying to help or understand, hating me, hating this days...hating the world and crying for more than 2 hours.
I feel so alone, you know, xmas is maybe okay if you have people around you, or an interesting life, but it's not when you just have to meet family which you don't want to meet, just because you have to. Nobody can meet, they are happy with their families, studing or going out with friends you don't want to go with. I used to spent xmas with Marc, and this year it won't be like that. And it turns out that nothing makes sence.
And i'm feeling so depressed. I don't feel like doing anything. I could be at home alone crying for days. At the moment, xmas for me means: lonelyness, sadness, unhappiness, deception, boresome, no mood to do anything, insincerity, behaving well and smile because I have to, hopeless...
I just want christmas to be over. I don't want presents. I don't want to meet nobody. What i really would like is to disapear.
I'm sorry for worrying you, but it's just that I need to tell someone, I need to write that I don't know how to reach the end of this kind of depression and... I can't stop crying...
look at my eyes... they look horrible and my family is coming home to have dinner tonight... what the hell can I do??
There's someone out there? because I feel so alone...
i'm just writing because i need it.
I hate xmas, i hate this christmas. I'm living such a horrible days...you can't imagine. I'm not a happy smiling girl anymore. I'm noone anymore.
Most of all is because of Marc. We broke up 1 month and a half ago, and I've been quite okay, he was not here, so I didn't think at all. But now..he arrived on friday, and I wasn't expecting him to call, and he called yestarday, and it wa so nice. I really feel like seeing him, and talk and I don't know. But yestarday I was supposed to with some people to go to a demonstration, so I told Marc I couldn't meet. And yesterday everything was a mistake. I went to a demonstration which i I didn't want to go and met people I didn't want to meet. The result, I ended up at home, alone, with nobody to hug me, with nobody trying to help or understand, hating me, hating this days...hating the world and crying for more than 2 hours.
I feel so alone, you know, xmas is maybe okay if you have people around you, or an interesting life, but it's not when you just have to meet family which you don't want to meet, just because you have to. Nobody can meet, they are happy with their families, studing or going out with friends you don't want to go with. I used to spent xmas with Marc, and this year it won't be like that. And it turns out that nothing makes sence.
And i'm feeling so depressed. I don't feel like doing anything. I could be at home alone crying for days. At the moment, xmas for me means: lonelyness, sadness, unhappiness, deception, boresome, no mood to do anything, insincerity, behaving well and smile because I have to, hopeless...
I just want christmas to be over. I don't want presents. I don't want to meet nobody. What i really would like is to disapear.
I'm sorry for worrying you, but it's just that I need to tell someone, I need to write that I don't know how to reach the end of this kind of depression and... I can't stop crying...
look at my eyes... they look horrible and my family is coming home to have dinner tonight... what the hell can I do??
There's someone out there? because I feel so alone...
posted by Eli "Hey PEOPLE!!!" @ 9:33 AM
4 Comments:
At 5:33 PM,
Unknown said…
Blurry and distorted decision making capabilities are from being off our true path, and they get worse as we get further away. Each must find their gift(s) and be their awesome and wonderful self to the best of their ability and put out as much good energy as they can. The answers are all easy, we always know our true paths unless very, very far from them. It’s the choices we make. Life is merely the consequences of our own decisions.
Free will is the choice each has every moment to decide either to be our awesome and wonderful self or our fragile bag of shit self.
With balance, control, and understanding of good and bad energy, paying attention, being aware internally and externally, learning and growing, gathering consciousness, one is better at being their awesome and wonderful self more moments. Put enough moments together and your dreams come true. Absolutely!
My sincerest best thoughts and good energy for health, happiness and harmony.
Sapere aude!
Peace, Light and Love
Rob @ guldies.net
I was asked to post here by someone who cares. :-) Sending you love and light.
At 5:23 AM,
Lukas said…
Dear Eli,
well, Elisa just told me you are feeling better. Otherwise I would have taken the next train to Barcelona to save you from desperation. What is there to say? I can't really comfort you with a comment I think. Just to tell you that I (and all Erasmus people, I guess) are there for you and you can always phone me, message me or whatever - I will always take myself time for you if you are feeling bad, no matter how busy I am! We care for you, preciosa!
Kisses, Lukas
At 1:57 AM,
Annalisa said…
Hi Eli,
I'm not so good at cheering up people! I just coud tell you my experience but I don't know if it could serve you!...Well, I think that every decision has a consequence, a price, and you can deal successfully with it only if you firmly think that decision is the right one! Well, it's really difficult to know it in advance (it would be really easy if everyone had a crystal ball), but at least you should consider the reason which had led you to take that step! It would sound banal but honestly I think it's a matter of time! Take your time to rescue yourself. You know, you can feel lonely also among people and happy in your own room, and vice versa! It depends on your emotional state!If you feel like going out, go out; if you feel like staying at home, stay in! Don't make any effort to pretend to be what the others expect you to be. Good friends are those who love you also if you aren't in your best mood! And it's for this reason that you'll never be alone! Finally, I think that every experience, even the most unbearable, eventually makes you grow, makes you stronger!
Keep in mind that you can rely also on me (and on all the Erasmus group), whenever you feel like talking to somebody, here I am!
Bacioni carissima!!
Annalisa
At 9:37 PM,
Anonymous said…
Pequenita numero dos! Eli darling I love you and I'm so sorry you were sad around Christmas! I hope you are feeling much better now. It's hard to be so far away and not be able to comfort you and know everything that is going on in your life. Let's talk on Skype soon.
Muchos besitos y un abrazo muy fuerto xoxoxo
Jacqueline aka Pequenita numero uno
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